Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
