Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize