Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
People in love make me want to vomit
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
