I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
