She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
