You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize