When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
