Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
