if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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