I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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