Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
