So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
