Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize