I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
