This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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