As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
