thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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