Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
