it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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