how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
