i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
