I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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