Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
