dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she smelled like a LAN party
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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