Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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