also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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