I wanna bring you to show and tell
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize