I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
