Your mouth is God's brothel.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize