Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
