Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
