So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
