I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
