You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
