You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
