oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
