He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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