There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
