I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
