I feel great
I just peed on a car
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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