we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
