You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
