I cannot find my penis.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
