I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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