I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
