so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
