I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
