I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
