I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
