Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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