He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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