I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
