id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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