Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
