Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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