ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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