I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize