I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
