im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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