I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's never too late to be topless.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
