Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize