Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
