Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
