So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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