I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm always down for nudity.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
