if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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