You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
