Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
